Your dog is killing you…

Often, I sit across from a person in my consult room, this day was a lady with her dog.

As much as they love each other, it isn’t working.

I can see that, they both know it.

She is plagued with a thousand negative thoughts; they span the past and she fears the future.

They are trying, everything they know, countless hours on Youtube, half a dozen online courses, 3 vets and multiple trainers, but she is just watching the problems get worse.

Sure, there are times when things seem “Ok right now”, but she watches him carefully and avoids upsetting him.

Walks are stressful, almost unbearable, but he must be walked. The leash pulling and lunging at dogs and people are just destroying her soul.

The barking and spiraling at the door when guests arrive is just out of control…

Play between them disappeared some time ago.

Running off leash? nope.

The 874 Licky Mats that are topped up multiple times a day, just ain’t cutting it.

Fluoxetine, Catapres and Gabapentin pumped in, twice a day.  

Frustration and stress is the mainstay of their relationship.

But her dreams were so much bigger when she got him as that cute puppy.

Images of running in the park off leash and exploring things together.

Chasing a ball

Swimming

Hanging out at the cafe

But none of those are remotely possible.

Getting through each day is challenge not a dream.

Many people sit in front of me, feeling hopeless with no direction.

There is one goal today,

Restore hope.

Given that these days I rarely meet a client that has not been through several trainers, hope can be hard to find.

It’s buried under a ton of defeat, stress, failure and anxiety now.

There are no support networks for her, friends, family and others tell her to euthanise him.

She can’t.

 

 

 

I have been watching the dog whilst hearing her story.

I pay attention to the words used and the way she says them.

“He is anxious”

“The medications he is on help but not enough”

“He has a chemical imbalance”

“He can’t help it”

“It’s genetic”

“He cannot cope with the world”

I ask a few simple questions

Q “How was the anxiety diagnosed?”

A Someone’s opinion.

Q “Have the THREE medications he is on changed his reactivity at all, and if not, what changes have you noticed”

A It hasn’t helped the reactivity at all, he sleeps more though.

Q What medical tests were carried out to diagnose the chemical imbalance?”

A None, just vets’ opinion.

Q “when you say he cant help it, how would you like him to behave and have you taught him to display that behaviour”

A I don’t know how I want him to behave and no one has taught him how to behave.

Q: “When they suggested it was genetic, have you or they worked with other litter mates or interviewed the breeder”?

A: No.

Q “When you say he cant cope with this world, you know he is using his reactive behaviour to cope right?’

A Hmmm

The above diagnosis are simply points that cannot be proven or easily changed, owners given this type of advice feel defeated.

I take the leash and the dog, and we begin walking around the training room.

He makes a couple of attempts to bite me, but I’m experienced enough to see it coming and fend that off without much fuss.

His bite attempts were planned, silent, forward and intentional, his body language and demeanour communicated to me that he knows exactly what to do and that it will work.

Sadly, not today.

Over the next few minutes, the dog and I find some common ground and things start to work.

We move around the training room, now he is trotting along with me, throwing me some great eye contact and I think I saw a wink and a smile.

He sits next to me and my hand runs across his head, his eyes soften and close a little, he likes this.

I look up and see a crying owner.

No dog training miracles occurred, but there was enough of what she needed to see, she saw that he CAN.

I throw out one of my famous lines “he is the worst dog you have but not even the worst I have seen today.”

She laughs and wipes away the tears.

I drop the leash and start a game with my new friend.

He loves food and I trigger him into drive.

He bounds around the training room, and he doesn’t have a care in the world. Dogs are so lucky they can move forward like this, humans, not so lucky.

The owner laughs at his antics, and we talk about how we will progress.

I think she see’s a glimpse of the dream… just for a moment.

 

 

She buys him some toys so they can play when they get home.

I see them off in the carpark and I can see emotion in her eyes.

She attempts to find the words to thank me, but I already know.

 

 

Now, there are no instant fixes and yes there will be work.

But, that gap in their relationship, closed a little.

The hopelessness that was quickly turning to helplessness is on hold.

The dark beginning to lighten…

 

I write a detailed program to help rebuild that relationship.

Now I wait for her to update me.

Working with aggressive dogs is not hard for me.

And whilst the consult went very well, when people return home, to reality, work, family, the home, kids and other responsibilities and he hops out of the care and barks at the neighbour, the way that reality hits can really knock you.

 

His behaviour has continued for way too long, what ever initially caused his behaviour is long gone and he is confidently acting out in a way that he likes (finds reinforcing) and he is confident will work.

 

 

This boy is not beyond help.

The owner may be though.

Working through these complex issues is like eating an elephant. Small piece at a time.

Lots of small pieces.

LOTS.

The longer your dog has been displaying these behaviours, the more pieces you will have to go through.

The longer YOU are exposed to these stressors, you break down, confidence falls, anxiety sets in, indecision is your life.

Emotions are easily triggered and your whole life is affected.

 

About 4 days later she contacts me, has started the program and is thrilled he is making better choices.

She explains four or five situations where he would have… but he made better choices, in only a few days, with one sentence covering a minor setback, which appears to have bounced off her.

 

It seems to surprise people when I tell them how thrilled I am for them, and how ANY progress is awesome.

 

I reply to her email with some next steps and tweaks, she has already booked her follow up and we see her in 3 weeks.

 

Every week, like clockwork, her email arrives and I read them with joy.

The emails get longer, more detail, little video, one training, one silly picture (love those).

I strut around the office showing the silly picture like a proud idiot.

She apologises for the length of the emails, and it reminds me once again that she doesn’t know how invested I am in her boy.

I see in the calendar she has her follow up with Bec, I walk out to say Hi and the boy is doing so well.

The lady smiles and I can see her gratefulness, she thanks me again for all I have done.

I have to correct her as I always do… i said…

“It wasn’t me; it was you. You booked the appointment, you came here, you overcome the previous failures and bad advice, you showed up for your boy, and you did this, you”.

Her eyes become wet, I walk back to office in case it is contagious.

I see an email from her around same time every year, his birthday and yes, I get the silly picture with birthday hat that I love to see.

Medication was removed by her vet, vet emailed me with “I can’t believe it’s the same dog”.

They spend weekends at a friend’s farm, running the acres, swimming in the river and playing with other dogs.

Dreams do come true, but your better to start by calling them PLANS.

Makes plans

Get help

Live the dream.

Steve